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My name is Mirah. It is pronounced mĭr'ə or Meer-a, like mirror mirror on the wall, or like Mira Sorvino. Not Myra and not Mariah.
I was born and raised in Brooklyn, NY and lived in Greenwich Village, Manhattan from the age of 17. I waitressed in many of renowned coffee houses such as The Wha and The Why Not? where I met and became a lifelong friend of Richie Havens.
I eloped in 1965. Two years later I left my abusive husband and discovered after leaving that I was pregnant. I was alone and being pressured to do the "loving" unselfish" thing and let other have my child. My parents believed that it would be best to "put it all behind me" and "get on with my life" as if it all of it - my short-lived inappropriate marriage and the birth of my child, never happened.
I was born and raised in Brooklyn, NY and lived in Greenwich Village, Manhattan from the age of 17. I waitressed in many of renowned coffee houses such as The Wha and The Why Not? where I met and became a lifelong friend of Richie Havens. I eloped in 1965. Two years later I left my abusive husband and discovered after leaving that I was pregnant. I was alone and being pressured to do the "loving" unselfish" thing and let other have my child. My parents believed that it would be best to "put it all behind me" and "get on with my life" as if it all of it - my short-lived inappropriate marriage and the birth of my child, never happened.
As documented by Fessler, Solinger, and other scholars, I was one of millions of women of my generation to be shamed, manipulated, gaslighted and pressured into losing my firstborn to adoption. We were told to just forget it ever happened.
I never forgot! I lived with regret, irresolvable grief and worry that my daughter was safe, loved and wel cared for.
I never forgot! I lived with regret, irresolvable grief and worry that my daughter was safe, loved and wel cared for.
I became an activist for the same reasons mothers who lost children to drunk drivers formed MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Drivers) - to prevent further unnecessary losses and grief.
In 1969 I became Associate Editor of three magazines at Volitant/Histrionic Publishing, 21 West 26 Street, NYC.
In 1971 I married and moved to New Jersey and became a full-time at-home mother of three, a home birther and La Leche League Leader. I was class mother and active with their scouts.
During the 70s and 80s I also took in foster children, co-founded the original Origins, housed expectant mothers in need, reunited hundreds of adoption-separated families, became a foster mother, and wrote my first book.
In 1969 I became Associate Editor of three magazines at Volitant/Histrionic Publishing, 21 West 26 Street, NYC.In 1971 I married and moved to New Jersey and became a full-time at-home mother of three, a home birther and La Leche League Leader. I was class mother and active with their scouts.
During the 70s and 80s I also took in foster children, co-founded the original Origins, housed expectant mothers in need, reunited hundreds of adoption-separated families, became a foster mother, and wrote my first book.
In 1991 I began working at Rutgers University and from 2001 until I retired, I was administrator of the NJ EcoComplex, a NASA funded joint project of Rutgers Univ Stevens Univ and Burlington Township. The facility houses greenhouses and aquaculture heated by methane from the township landfill. We hosted international conferences, ran school programs, and provided office and laboratory space for to incubate environmental startups.
In 1995, more than a decade after I began my research and activism in adoption, my first daughter succumbed to adoption-related trauma and depression. It was then I learned that adoptees attempt suicide four times more often than their non-adopted contemporaries.
After her death, I took a hiatus from adoption activism, returning in 2008 with the poublicationn of my second book.
Regarding my name for those who might be confused or just curious: Mirah is my Hebew name. I had it legally changed after my divorce in 1989. I kept my last name to maintain my connection to the children I raised and because I was published under the name Riben.
In this old blog post, I share my thoughts on whether my involvement in adoption is an Obsession or Commitment?
"Adoption Loss is the only trauma in the world where the victims are expected by the whole of society to be grateful" - The Reverend Keith C. Griffith, MBE
Non-adoption-related original presentations:
http://MirahRiben.blogspot.com
Last updated 12/21
In this old blog post, I share my thoughts on whether my involvement in adoption is an Obsession or Commitment?
CLICK HERE for MY POETRY:
MOTHERLESS CHILD/CHILDLESS MOTHER
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
"Adoption Loss is the only trauma in the world where the victims are expected by the whole of society to be grateful" - The Reverend Keith C. Griffith, MBE
This one appears on Poets on Adoption:
Firstbornfirst begotten onefirstborn of spiritfirstborn of fleshchild that opened my wombOnly one is calledfirstborn of manybrethren in spiritothersfirstborn of manyin fleshAnd others still,like the child of Arsinoe,who died while giving birth toher firstborn child,are first and only.Your firstfruits shall be holy,saith the Lord,and shall be dedicated unto meas a special offeringlamb of Godsacrificial lambsacrificed in spiritscarified in flesh…and God gave his only begotten sonson born of unwed motherso that others……and God spoke to the Jewsand told themto sacrificetheir firstborns no morebut God also askedthat atonement be madeso she shall be clean.and netherworld demonsand peddlers of fleshin the black-grayunderworld marketplaceseek outand offer false promisesfor a covetedfirstborn child…and on the 31st dayfirstborn sons becomelegallyand rituallyThe Firstborn.But sons (like mine)who followin the wakeof ghostly Firstbornsare forever displacedas firstborn heirs.Lamb of Godsilent sacrificial lambsacrificed in spiritspecial offering to Godseeking forgivenessfor the sin of your birthyet taken by Godas a sacrifice in fleshJuly, 1998
http://MirahRiben.blogspot.com
Last updated 12/21
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